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How to Overcome Resentment: Coping with a Loved One's Borderline Personality Disorder Diagnosis. Ryan and Chad

Updated: Dec 23, 2023


Looking down a long hallway with no ceiling.
The mental health hallway

Ryan had always prided himself on being open-minded and accepting of others. He prided himself on being the kind of person who stood up for the underdog and fought for justice and equality. But lately, he had harboured a resentment he couldn't quite shake. It all started when Chad was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. At first, Ryan tried to be supportive. He read up on the condition, attended therapy sessions with Chad, and did his best to be understanding and patient. But as time went on, Ryan couldn't help but feel a growing sense of frustration. Chad's mood swings were unpredictable and exhausting. One minute, he would be loving and affectionate, showering Ryan with attention and praise. The next minute, he would be distant and cold, pushing Ryan away and accusing him of not caring. It was like always walking on eggshells, never knowing what would set Chad off. Ryan knew that it wasn't Chad's fault. He knew that it was the BPD talking, not his boyfriend. But that didn't make it any easier to deal with. And as much as he hated to admit it, a part of him started to resent Chad for his condition. It wasn't fair, Ryan told himself. Why did he have to put up with this? Why couldn't he have a "normal" relationship like everyone else? These thoughts festered in his mind until they became something uglier: judgment.


Ryan began to question how anyone could love someone so "defective." He wondered if maybe Chad was just too broken ever to be fixed. And worst of all, he started spreading these negative opinions among their mutual friends. He didn't mean for it to happen; it just slipped out one day when he was venting to a friend about how hard things had been with Chad lately. But once he saw the look of agreement on his friend's face, he couldn't help but continue. Before he knew it, Ryan was bad-mouthing Chad to anyone who would listen. He questioned why anyone would want to be with someone so unstable and emotionally draining. He even went so far as to suggest that maybe Chad was using his diagnosis as an excuse to be a shitty boyfriend. Of course, Chad eventually finds out what Ryan is saying behind his back. And as much as Ryan tried to explain that he didn't really mean any of it, that it was just his frustration talking, the damage had already been done. Chad was devastated. He couldn't understand how the person he loved could say such hurtful things about him. And while some of him wanted to believe that Ryan didn't mean it, another couldn't help but wonder if there was some truth to what he said. Ryan felt like the worst person in the world. He knew that he had screwed up big time, and now he had no idea how to fix it. He wanted more than anything to make things right with Chad, but he also knew that an apology wouldn't be enough. He needed to show Chad he truly apologized for what he had done. That meant educating himself about BPD and learning how to be a better ally for those struggling with mental health issues. It meant being patient and understanding when Chad's moods were unpredictable or overwhelming. Most importantly, it meant proving to Chad that he was still worthy of love and support despite his diagnosis. Ryan needed to show him that BPD didn't define him or make him any less deserving of a healthy and happy relationship. It wouldn't be easy, but Ryan was determined to make amends and regain Chad's trust. He knew that it would take time and effort on his part, but he was willing to do whatever it took....

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